Life with “The Others”

I had to get up at 3:30am on Friday to fly to re-training for work. I must have Candy Land expectations of American customer service after Belgium’s because I called several cab companies, looking for one to make “my” cab company. I was looking for that cheerful operator who’d chat me through how much time to plan for the drive to the airport, but hung up on several because of their sullen operators. (I absolutely HATE it when people repeatedly ask you questions and then don’t let you finish answering before cutting you off with a rude response. It’s so passive-aggressive.)  After my third try, I remembered that cab operators always (seem to) hate their lives so I called back the least offensive one.

A nice black man greeted me quietly but cheerfully in the dark of morning. Dressed in white slacks, white short-sleeved linen shirt and a Panama hat, he looked like he was fresh off the beach in Kenya. I liked him immediately. We drove to the airport – me very happy to discover that an early morning cab is only about $20 (instead of the seemingly universal $35 minimum airport charge) – with the windows rolled down and 80’s R & B in my ears. Al Green is surprisingly appropriate for my mood at that time of morning. My driver ended up proudly telling me about how he is a 3rd generation Washingtonian and that I would come to love the city as much as he. I liked this guy and he started off my morning as well as possible considering the offensive hour.

It was a good start all things considered, but the early morning doomed my brain. I stumbled through the next 17 hours of work duty feeling like there was an actual fog in my head. I answered even the simplest of questions wrongly (i.e. “Is this equipment functioning or not?” “Uhhh, not.” “Wrong. The green seal means ‘good’. Remember, a red seal would mean not functioning or ‘bad’.”) Luckily I was too tired to care how stupid I was that day, and very aware that the instructors are used to people getting nervous and giving stupid answers here and there. Del wanted me to defend myself and explain my exhausted state, and I was tempted to, but the fact is they don’t care if I’m actually stupid or not. They’re just doing their job and getting me through all the information review. SoI kept my mouth shut. Well, except for when I was saying something idotic. Anyhow, I got good sleep that night and breezed through all the tests on day two and now I’m ready to go. Well, after my my security clearance is renewed. That seems to be taking a while. I wonder if it was all that living abroad….

As an American abroad, it will come as no surprise that I often have to defend our honor against the stereotypes. Most popular? That we’re stupid about the outside world. As a generalization, this is (unfortunately) not something that I can say is untrue, but I’m always explaining why with valid reasons beyond the average person’s control. I never thought I’d have such proof of media complicity though.

Yesterday, CNN International covered Laura Bush going to Afghanistan, being welcomed by the New Zealander troops with the Haka. What’s the Haka you ask? Well, to me it is a symbol of NZ integrating and celebrating its indigenous heritage. NZ has a native population just like the US and Australia, but their culture has survived fairly well and is tangibly present in NZ’s modern culture. They are called the Maori, tribes closely related to the Hawaiians (for example). The Haka is the Maori warrior dance, and most people are familiar with it because for over 100 years their national rugby team has preformed a haka before international matches. It’s quite fun. You can find all sorts of hakas on YouTube; here’s one that I like.

In short, the story behind the battle haka is that Maori tribes would preform it when gathering for war. The purpose is twofold: one, it scares the everliving crap out of the opposition by making you look fierce and crazy as hell (note the wide eyes and protruding tongue); two, the slapping of the body draws blood to the muscles, warming up the body to fight if the other side doesn’t back down. Pretty clever I think. Personally, it’s one of my favorite cultural/national icons.

But did CNN tell the viewer that? Oh no, instead they only said things things like: “…the closest thing Laura Bush can get to a lap dance in public…”, “…think Chippendale’s in the desert…” and “what does it remind me of? Hmmm…oh yeah! [insert split screen video of a clumsy Ostrich here]“.

I find this stunningly ignorant and inappropriate. Yes, the Haka is fun, but was the only news angle to trivialize and disparage it? They didn’t include any explination as to what it actually is. So millions of people were just introduced to a 1000 year old tradition that has survived to the modern age as…’something that looks funny‘!?!? Is that all they see in it? Is that really the story? Seriously, what was the purpose and intended message of the report? Does the reporter even know what the haka is? I watched this report thinking, “I am witnessing precisely how and where we are taught to dismiss view the foreign world. This is the depth of our intellectual and cultural exposure.”

Given that this blog started as a place to point out how strange culture can look out-of-context, I get it. People may miss the irony of my observations, but I am not a “journalist” and my audience is not reported to be 1.5 billion people (last I checked my stats). Nobody thinks I am an objective information professional, nor takes my word as gospel. And still, my site has a disclaimer.

And people ask why Americans don’t know more about foreign countries. Mystery solved.