Life with “The Others”

Actually, seems I forgot to publish this one. So here’s a post to tide you over:

Recently, the EU opened its own channel on YouTube. The video below is an advertisement for European Cinema entitled “Film Lovers Will Love This!”. All I can say is…wow.

Warning: The material in this video may be inappropriate for parents children.

While there are various videos in the series to promote European films, this one has made the EU channel one of the top hits on YouTube. Coservative countries (namely Poland) and MEPs are up in arms over the content, calling it “soft porn”. Supporters defend European films’ “artistry”. (You can read more about the fuss on BBC here.)

What do I think? Well, it’s definitely pushing it. When I first watched it, part of me was irritated and, as someone who generally like the openness of Europe, I couldn’t put my finger on why. Overall, I absolutely love the fact that some stuffy European bureaucrats would – or even could – come up with such a racy campaign. They even had the cajones to conclude with the motto “Let’s Come Together”! This was no half-hearted foray into edginess. No way in hell would this ever even be allowed to happen in America. The politicians wouldn’t even dream it. The public would freak out with offense. Tackiness aside (cause it is tacky), kudos to Eurocrats for allowing some humor and a little daring to enter the mainstream. Kudos for doing away with the PC police and fear of offending anyone’s sensitivity.

But. But. But! Why was I irritated at the video at the same time? I finally figured it out:

While I stand by my supportive statement just above, I also spank the bureaucrats for their lame defense of the video, which was actually offensive to me. Don’t tell me you are selling “artistry”. That’s just crap. I agree that European cinema is full of artistic merit. But racy sex scenes are not the definition of that, and if you claim they are then you are cheapening your own cinema as well as the concept of “artistry”. You are cheapening the very thing you are trying to sell because you’re either too cowardly to admit you are just doing whatever’s necessary to get attention, or because you think me stupid enough to believe your (really, really) transparent excuse. I’m supposed to believe that your motives were “artistry”?! How dare you think I’m that dumb?

Conclusion: I love the daring attitude of those responsible. I love the liberalness of Europe. I understand that sex sells and they are trying to sell. But I don’t respect (very bad) liars. Just admit what you’re doing instead of insutling my intelligence. If you’re selling shock value and sex, then own up to it. Don’t tell me that you’re appealing to my high values for quality and creativity when you are in fact appealing to the lowest common denominator and the most plebeian of marketing tricks.

I’m all for freedom of speech and open creativity. I am not for pretending that it is something else.

Sorry for being MIA. I’ve bee touring Turkey with my family for 2 weeks. I’m just back and have to attend to life for a day or two. Then I’ll be back with more!

I’ve just gotta indulge in a little bit of Belgium Bashing today. I just have to.

I’ve mentioned the requests for residency that are surely sitting in some forgotten pile of folders. I’m sure of it. I don’t know one person in Brussels who has ever actually received a residency card this way. I think it’s a practical joke on foreigners.

So, still seeking a little assistance, hoping I can find the right bureaucrat to poke with a cattle prod, I went to another window at the commune house (city hall) today. Each window has a different topic to deal with, and I was going to try another angle on this thing. All weekend, I checked and rechecked the official website for information. I gathered all my documents, I planned my day around the hours that they will see you. 8am-1pm. Later by appointment only.

So I spend this morning double checking that everything is in order. I go there at 11:45. But guess what? There’s a sign on the closed window that says “open from 8 to 12 1/4″. I’m irritated, but check my watch. 25 minutes to spare. Cool. But still there’s no one there. I wait, I peek around…no sign of life. So I call the phone number I find on a brochure of the window. The lady tells me, “you can come and talk to us when we’re open”.

“Yes,” I argue, “but that’s supposed to be now.”

“We’re open from 8-12,” she says shortly, daring me to point out that it is not yet 12.

I am breathing fire. So in the span of 15 minutes I’ve been told 3 different closing times and none of them is even being honored while I’m standing there! I say to her, “well, perhaps I can make an appointment.”

“Come when we’re open. Buh-bye.” Click.

I don’t know why I continue to be surprised when these things happen. It’s not the first time and it’s not the last, surely. But what the hell, I mean, c’mon! Does anybody in this god-forsaken government ever work? Does anyone give a damn about anything at all? Belgium is run worse than many third world countries I’ve been to! I don’t know how people who are from here can stand it. (Much less find the time or the guts to spend their time critiquing every other country in the world.)

I admit, I’m just using this as a place to vent. But hey, can you blame me? I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be fine. But forgive me: today, Belgium sucks.

When you live abroad, even universal seeming activities can be quite different. So what’s it like going to the movies in Belgium? Well let’s see, first there is the purchase of tickets. You can buy the traditional way – by standing in line for 30 minutes to by your $12 ticket, then being charged a “handling fee” of something like 65 cents. That’s not terribly steep as a handling fee, but what the hell? With the price of movie tickets, am I not paying for someone to sell it to me already? And why don’t they just put it into the price of a ticket? I’d find that much less insulting. Your second option is to buy the clever way – purchase online or with their handy computer kiosks where you pay – WTF? A “handling fee”?! Now, this handling fee is usually a little lower, maybe 50 cents. But no one is handling my tickets! Why the hell are they charging me extra either way?! Let’s not forget that at some theaters, longer movies cost more. Oh, yes, for real.

Ok, so you’ve got your ticket. You may or may not have an assigned seat. (This is more of a French thing, but some Belgian cinemas are trying to start it as well. Leaving room for potential chaos, the Belgians are doing this on a partial basis: electronic purchases get to pick an assigned seat, traditional purchases do not. You can imagine how well that might work.) At many cinemas, you will scan the barcode yourself under an infrared scanner. Still, they pay someone to stand there because the machine will now print out another ticket, which they hand you. The point of this ritual you ask? Well, besides killing extra trees, I’ve got no theory.

You proceed to the refreshments line. Why? Well because in Belgium, it’s actually affordable! It’s still expensive, but doable. I am the type who never ever gets snacks in American theaters. But I almost always do here. Sodas start at about $3.00, instead of $5.50 or worse. Of course, sometimes you’ll have to wait in line for it for eternity because, hey, this is Belgium, and that’s how commerce works. (Sometimes I think the country harbors a secret hankering for the good ‘ol days of Communism, judging by the customer service style, that is. They really dig loooong lines for everything from the ATM to buying milk.)

Once you get your seats in the theater, you probably want to take a potty stop. To do so, you’ll have to shell out another 40 cents for what we call the “toilet tax”. Belgium is more fond of charging you to use the toilet than anyplace I’ve been. I find this completely annoying when you are already a paying customer. (Yes, many restaurants do it also, even when you are a paying customer.) Saturday, I got quite a new shock, by the name of “Lady P.” What does Lady P. stand for? Let’s see if you can figure it out first.

It stands for Lady Pissoir. (A pissoir, or “pisser” is the French word for urinal.) I found this hysterical, particularly enjoying the “how to” instructions posted everywhere .

Back in the theater, I will enjoy my movie. It may start with no fanfare. Most often it will have commercials, but no trailors! If there are trailors, about half the time they will not include any American films. (Hey, that’s fair. Just an obvious exclusion.) Where ever you are in Belgium, films are thankfully available in the “original version”, with both Dutch and French subtitles. (Of course, we’re so used to having movies in English, we’ve made the mistake of forgetting to watch out for foreign films.) Also, if the movie is exceptionally long, there may also be an intermission. I thought I wouldn’t like this, but trust me, about halfway through Lord of the Rings my Coke filled bladder was cheering. (Keep that money handy.)

Last but not least, at least on the Flemish side of the country, the movie-goers will all clean up after themselves. No leaving your giant soda cups and candy wrappers here. You clean up your area and dump it in the trash cans provided at the exit. How very polite. We ought to charge them a “handling fee” for that.